Sorry is a feeling.

Erika had a rough morning, like she hasn't had in a while (I won't go into detail, but here is an example of what a rough morning can look like). By the time the bus came, I was holding her hand and escorting her down the driveway, while she tried repeatedly to kick me. The bus driver watched as I expertly dodged those kicks, until finally, Erika pulled away from my grip and ran away in the opposite direction of the bus.

Clearly, this was not going to be a great day. I told the bus driver that I'd be driving her to school this morning. Good call on my part, because the bus driver informed me that she could not allow her onto the bus if she was exhibiting these kinds of behaviors prior to boarding. Fair enough.

The car ride to school
I have no idea why things are so rough on the bus right now. It's tempting to drive her to school for the rest of the school year, although I currently have a 9 a.m. class twice a week, so that's not really an option until my semester's over. Let's face it, any parent knows that by her not getting on the bus and me driving her to school, it is possible that I am rewarding (and even encouraging) the unwanted behavior. But I can't really look at it like that right now…her behavior prevented them from transporting her today, so I had no choice in it this time.

Erika had no problem getting in the car to go to school. She was neither defiant nor aggressive. She was very matter-of-fact about it. Once it had been decided that the bus was not an option for today, I also took it all in stride. She had tried to kick me and hit me while waiting for the bus, but now all was calm, and I was more than ready to embrace that.

Off to school in a straight jacket

On the day before Christmas break, when most parents were scrambling to complete all of their last-minute Christmas preparations, I sat in a brainstorming session at Erika's school, working with her teaching staff and school administrators on a comprehensive plan to deal with some of her behaviors. Erika has been dealing with extreme anxiety, and the behaviors which come along with it are tough ones, ranging from unhygienic to uncooperative and, at their worst, violent. Whether you call it oppositional defiance or anxiety, we came up with about twenty different interventions to try to deal with her behaviors, and to ensure the safety of her classmates and teaching staff. Revisiting her medication, which obviously was not working for her, was put at the top of my to-do list.

Since then, we have changed her medication, completely eliminating an ADHD med which her pediatrician wanted to try her on before moving her to anything else. The medication did nothing to curb her behaviors or anxiety, and even made her sleepy during the day. Her violent outbursts at school (in which her teaching staff needed to physically restrain her) continued,  but now they were followed by a forty-five minute nap. A few follow-up doctor visits later, we are seeing some nice results from Risperdal (it took a second visit to get the proper dosage). She is now taking 0.75 mg/day (a fairly low dose), 0.5 mg in the evening and 0.25 mg in the morning. On this dosage, Erika's days at school have been going well, with no violent outbursts and a very high level of compliance. An added bonus is that she no longer needs melatonin before bedtime, which she has needed since she was three years old.

Erika has had a rough time at school these past two years, and I know that she needs this kind of intervention. I regret that we didn't find out about this medication two years ago. In first grade, Erika was doing well in school and spending time every day in a classroom with her non-disabled peers.  In second grade, with a new teacher and a new school, she was being put in solitary confinement on a

Not another support group

"There's not a word yet for old friends who've just met."

-Gonzo (The Muppet Movie)

I'll admit, I was dreading this evening: the monthly meeting of the Boxing Autism Club. Not that I had anything against the group, but I had decided a while back that I'm sort of "over" the whole support group thing. Nevertheless, I had a reason to be there. And I'm on "school break" this week, so I was out of excuses. Reluctantly, I attended tonight's meeting.

I haven't always had this attitude toward support groups. My first experience with a support group was one which I enjoyed very much, our local twins/ multiples club (I was even a founding member). After giving birth to triplets, I quickly learned that I would now be known as "the triplet mom" (I almost didn't even need a first name any more), and here was a place where I wasn't alone in dealing with all of the joys and daily adventures of being a mother of multiples. Through this group, I have formed wonderful, lasting friendships with an amazing group of moms.