Mom's Blogging Hiatus

I haven't updated this blog in quite a while, and for good reason. Rather than leave readers and supporters hanging any longer, I feel that an explanation of my blogging hiatus is in order, followed by an update on all of the recent exciting news about Erika. There is bad news, and there is good news. Let's start with the bad.

I have taken the break from blogging for personal reasons. Specifically, I am getting divorced, after 18 years of marriage. I don't care to elaborate much, other than to say that the kids are doing well, and their dad and I are working together to ensure that this transition to a new normal is done with the best interest of all three of our children in mind. I was requested to stop blogging about Erika during this period, and I found it in my best interest to do so.

While I know that new challenges lie ahead, I am looking forward to this new phase in my life. I am eagerly anticipating my return to work, and the great news is that Erika has made great progress this past year, affording me the opportunity to move forward with my career.

Sorry is a feeling.

Erika had a rough morning, like she hasn't had in a while (I won't go into detail, but here is an example of what a rough morning can look like). By the time the bus came, I was holding her hand and escorting her down the driveway, while she tried repeatedly to kick me. The bus driver watched as I expertly dodged those kicks, until finally, Erika pulled away from my grip and ran away in the opposite direction of the bus.

Clearly, this was not going to be a great day. I told the bus driver that I'd be driving her to school this morning. Good call on my part, because the bus driver informed me that she could not allow her onto the bus if she was exhibiting these kinds of behaviors prior to boarding. Fair enough.

The car ride to school
I have no idea why things are so rough on the bus right now. It's tempting to drive her to school for the rest of the school year, although I currently have a 9 a.m. class twice a week, so that's not really an option until my semester's over. Let's face it, any parent knows that by her not getting on the bus and me driving her to school, it is possible that I am rewarding (and even encouraging) the unwanted behavior. But I can't really look at it like that right now…her behavior prevented them from transporting her today, so I had no choice in it this time.

Erika had no problem getting in the car to go to school. She was neither defiant nor aggressive. She was very matter-of-fact about it. Once it had been decided that the bus was not an option for today, I also took it all in stride. She had tried to kick me and hit me while waiting for the bus, but now all was calm, and I was more than ready to embrace that.

Off to school in a straight jacket

On the day before Christmas break, when most parents were scrambling to complete all of their last-minute Christmas preparations, I sat in a brainstorming session at Erika's school, working with her teaching staff and school administrators on a comprehensive plan to deal with some of her behaviors. Erika has been dealing with extreme anxiety, and the behaviors which come along with it are tough ones, ranging from unhygienic to uncooperative and, at their worst, violent. Whether you call it oppositional defiance or anxiety, we came up with about twenty different interventions to try to deal with her behaviors, and to ensure the safety of her classmates and teaching staff. Revisiting her medication, which obviously was not working for her, was put at the top of my to-do list.

Since then, we have changed her medication, completely eliminating an ADHD med which her pediatrician wanted to try her on before moving her to anything else. The medication did nothing to curb her behaviors or anxiety, and even made her sleepy during the day. Her violent outbursts at school (in which her teaching staff needed to physically restrain her) continued,  but now they were followed by a forty-five minute nap. A few follow-up doctor visits later, we are seeing some nice results from Risperdal (it took a second visit to get the proper dosage). She is now taking 0.75 mg/day (a fairly low dose), 0.5 mg in the evening and 0.25 mg in the morning. On this dosage, Erika's days at school have been going well, with no violent outbursts and a very high level of compliance. An added bonus is that she no longer needs melatonin before bedtime, which she has needed since she was three years old.

Erika has had a rough time at school these past two years, and I know that she needs this kind of intervention. I regret that we didn't find out about this medication two years ago. In first grade, Erika was doing well in school and spending time every day in a classroom with her non-disabled peers.  In second grade, with a new teacher and a new school, she was being put in solitary confinement on a

Not another support group

"There's not a word yet for old friends who've just met."

-Gonzo (The Muppet Movie)

I'll admit, I was dreading this evening: the monthly meeting of the Boxing Autism Club. Not that I had anything against the group, but I had decided a while back that I'm sort of "over" the whole support group thing. Nevertheless, I had a reason to be there. And I'm on "school break" this week, so I was out of excuses. Reluctantly, I attended tonight's meeting.

I haven't always had this attitude toward support groups. My first experience with a support group was one which I enjoyed very much, our local twins/ multiples club (I was even a founding member). After giving birth to triplets, I quickly learned that I would now be known as "the triplet mom" (I almost didn't even need a first name any more), and here was a place where I wasn't alone in dealing with all of the joys and daily adventures of being a mother of multiples. Through this group, I have formed wonderful, lasting friendships with an amazing group of moms.

Old familiar conversations

Erika stayed home from school today. She has a cold. She's been having some rough days at school, and it's a lot to expect of her to deal with her anxiety plus cold symptoms. I believe that we saw an improvement initially with her new meds, but I think we need to increase the dosage. She has a doctor's appointment scheduled for next week to review her meds situation. With that said, it is difficult to know just how much is enough. She has not been willing to do her work at school. How much of this is oppositional defiance, and how much is boredom? I feel that Erika seems completely bored with life in general right now. It's winter in Michigan. She needs more exercise, more outlets and more outings. I'm doing my best to help her in these areas, but I need to do better. 

I needed to be focused on projects for school today. I'm way behind, and Erika's IEP is scheduled for Thursday morning, so there will be less time at the end of the week to catch up. I was not the mom I wanted to be today, to say the least. I left Erika alone to rest, and to find things to do. Eventually, she made her way to our basement. A few minutes passed, and when she came back upstairs, she presented me with our old VCR, cables still attached, and an old VHS tape (a recorded episode of Sesame Street) that she hasn't seen in a few years, ever since the VCR finally broke and we decided not to replace it.

Happy Birthday, Elmo!

Today is our favorite furry red monster's birthday. I can hear the Elmo's World music in the background and his signature laugh as I am typing this. Anybody who knows Erika knows that she is addicted (yes, addicted!) to Elmo's World. (For more information about Erika, and her life with Autism, visit Erika's World.)

I thought this would be a great opportunity to share some fond memories from Christmas, 2007. Erika was six years old. Erika has always taken Christmas morning in stride. While her same-age siblings are consumed with excitement well over over a month in advance of the big day, Erika typically shows little emotion about the whole ordeal. But Christmas of 2007 was different. Erika woke up that morning and, instead of being directed to check her stocking, she noticed that Santa had somehow managed to deliver a goldfish to our house. The first words out of her mouth that morning: "DOROTHY!"

And, of course, Santa would never have sent Dorothy to our house without her favorite furry red monster to keep her company. I can honestly say that it was Erika's best Christmas ever.

Happy Birthday, Elmo.
Erika loves you.

-Erika's Mom

Pancakes and Syrup

This weekend, I made pancakes. At our house, since we want to eat them while they're hot, we find ourselves eating them in shifts. One of the kids put placemats on the table, and a new bottle of syrup. Erika was the first kid I served. She sat down, and I noticed that she was struggling to get some syrup out of the container, which was still sealed from the grocery store.

I said, "Oh, sweetie, there's another syrup in here that's already open."

Erika immediately got up and returned the new bottle of syrup to the pantry near where I was flipping the next batch of pancakes. She looked around, but didn't find what she was looking for. I came over, and found the opened syrup bottle behind a few boxes of cereal. I handed it to her, and she poured her own syrup.

As I continued with my pancake-making prowess, I considered the very remarkable thing that just happened.